Americans Are More Intolerant Than They Care To Admit

Intolerance reared its ugly head, again.

Everyone has the right to make their own lifestyle choices.

Almost every person I have ever spoken to on this issue tells me they agree.

But as it turns out, as is so often the case, this is only what they want you to believe face to face. When they have the opportunity to voice their opinion anonymously, the real truth comes out.

What brought this issue to this blog is the latest controversy stemming from ABC’s decision to invite Chaz Bono to appearing on Dancing with the Stars. I do not watch this show. I enjoy watching dance as entertainment. But this show’s idea of entertainment is very different than mine. In my opinion, there is very little else as graceful and beautiful as someone, or a couple, or a group, dancing.

This particular show is more about creating controversy – which in turn builds an audience – and less about furthering the art of dance. This is the ugly aspect of television as a whole, for only controversy brings sponsors to the program which puts money in the producers pockets.

I don’t care for judging as entertainment, especially when the audience is allowed to participate. When an audience is allowed to remain anonymous, their ugly judgmental side tends to take over. An anonymous audience places less importance on ability and style than on looks, attitude, politics, and yes even sexual orientation.

Is this talk of a person having the right to be who they want to be just talk? It would appear so.

ABC is getting a lot of nasty and hateful letters over their decision to invite Chaz Bono onto the show. It is truly pitiful that a show that is supposedly about dancing is being turned into a forum about personal private choices. But then this is the ugly truth about our neighbors and relatives.

Do Americans, home of the free, governed by a Constitution that grants equal rights to everyone, celebrate freedom of choice? It would appear that we don’t.

Who are we to condemn anyone for stepping outside of conformity to live their life as they choose?

Parents! Wake Up!

Eight teens face life imprisonment for the kidnapping and brutal beating of a fellow teen. If you have convinced yourself that your teen is not capable of such heinous acts then pat yourself on the back for being one of the very few perfect parents and just turn away. But if you believe that the parents of every one of the suspects in this case, whose ages range from 14 to 18, felt the same way, then read on.

Teen fight clubs are springing up all across the country. In such unlikely places as ‘respectable’ middle class neighborhoods.

In this latest shocker from the burbs, a 16-year-old girl was hospitalized with blurred vision, partial hearing loss, and a swollen face. The perpetrators of this barbaric act, which were kind enough to put the whole scene on tape for the police to use as evidence against them, complained later at the police station that they were not going to make it to cheerleader practice that night. Can’t you just feel how torn up they were about what they had done to their 16-year-old classmate who was at that very moment being treated in the hospital?

Why did these little monsters mercilessly beat and verbally abuse their classmate? Because she posted some derogatory remarks about them on the internet. They cooked up a plan to not only ‘get even’ with her, but they were going to gain some kind of notoriety that only their tiny minds could fathom by posting the tape on YouTube. This is another sickening trend that parents need to be on the lookout for. Staging fights to post on YouTube.

Let’s see if I have this straight. They were upset that their reputation was smeared by whatever she posted so they decided to show the world what they are really about. They ambushed and ganged up on one girl and beat her for 30 minutes severely enough to hospitalize her. I don’t know what kind of reputation they were trying to protect before this, but, now they have a real reputation, and a criminal record, for kidnapping and assault. I am willing to bet that whatever damage this girl did to their reputation seems pretty petty now.

This incident is not isolated. Video taping staged fights is the latest trend in depraved behavior among teenagers for the purpose of posting them on web sites such as YouTube. Some fights end in coma or death but all are a violent form of ‘entertainment’ that pits girl on girl, boy on boy, girl on boy, gay on gay, etc. A search for "girl fight" on YouTube gets thousands of results, and a suggestion to also try "girl fight at school, boy girl fight" and other search terms. There's at least one Web site devoted exclusively to videos of girls fighting.

Police are attempting to shut down the practice. Parents are the first line of defense in preventing this type of behavior and need to step up and take responsibility.

This is part of a devastating rise in teen violence that manifests itself in our nations schools. Chicago Public Schools have become so alarmed at the rise in violence in their city involving school age kids that they are making a special effort to protect their students to and from school.

Is this teen-on-teen violence a reaction to the violence that is so much a part of life in America? Have we really become so immune to seeing violence on TV, at the movies, and in the media that we don’t even see how it is affecting our children? Are they simply displaying what they have been taught?

Such nationally over-reported violence at Columbine High School, Northern Illinois University, Virginia Tech, kids bringing guns to school, Amish school children massacred, teens beating up homeless, have to be taking a toll on all of us.

In an attempt to curb this trend, our children need to be taught that violence is not the answer and it certainly is not to be considered a form of entertainment.

What do parents typically do when they see their kids exhibiting violent behavior? Do they physically punish the child which only reinforces in the child that violence is an acceptable response? Or do they talk to the child in an attempt to focus the child’s anger into something more constructive?

How do they handle a child that seems to always be angry or uncontrollable? Do they search for a doctor who will give them a magic pill to ‘fix’ the problem which only reinforces in the child that pills are made to make you feel better?

A tendency towards violence is occurring in children as young as 4-6 years of age, sometimes younger. Violent youth often share a pattern of feelings that support their aggressive behavior. Some factors of youth violence listed here are taken from the website Dr. Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.:

A loss of empathy

Violent children often don't even recognize (much less feel) the suffering of others. Empathy develops early in infancy. Most nine-month-old infants register concern if they see their parents crying, for example. Children who have been emotionally traumatized learn to protect themselves from further emotional damage by shutting off their own feelings along with any empathic feelings they might have for others.

Distorted thinking

Violent children come to believe that overpowering another person is a mark of strength and worth, and that violence is a legitimate way to resolve conflict. Popular media support this idea, with wrestlers who pound their opponents without mercy and so-called action heroes who slaughter foes by the truckload. For good or bad, the government unwittingly encourages the idea that "might makes right" when it engages in shows of strength celebrating the Army and police. Violent children needn't look far for evidence that force is what really counts.

Self-esteem

For some children, aggression toward other children may be a powerful source of self-esteem, particularly if they lack other confirmation of their human worth. In many cases, the problem is not lack of self-esteem so much as lack of self-esteem related to positive, peaceful accomplishments.

A ‘me against the world’ attitude

Children who become violent have often learned to see the world as a cold and hostile place. They develop a habit of thought that attributes hostile intentions to others. This attitude leaves them little choice but to fight virtually all the time. If, for example, another child bumps up against them in the hallway at school, they immediately take offense, certain that they were attacked. They cannot imagine that perhaps the bumping was just clumsiness on the other child's part or an attempt to tease that really wasn't hostile.

Always the victim

Even while they are the aggressors, violent individuals almost always think of themselves as victims--of unfair teachers, of other bullies, of prejudice--and believe that their violent acts are therefore totally justified.

Never safe

The aggressive child sees the world as an unsafe place in which there are only victims and victimizers, so he (unconsciously) chooses to be one of the latter. The power and delight he takes in hurting others, in combination with his already numbed emotions, can make for a lethal mixture.

We have a crisis on our hands that requires some serious attitude adjustment concerning how to handle angry children. Anger management needs to play a more important role in raising children. Since we can’t seem to keep children away from televisions sets, either because it is a ready made sitter or because it has become the center of home life, we need to occasionally interview them to see how this exposure to violence is affecting them.

We know the early indicators of violence are feelings of anger, sadness and isolation. Most people experience one or some of these at some time throughout their lives but when do we take them as real sign posts that this particular child could commit some form of violence? The easy answer is to look for a history. And then try to talk it out with the child.

We have a long history of showing our children that there is a ‘magic pill’ that will solve all of our problems. And the pharmaceutical companies are making a killing off of us. Literally. For those of you who believe that medication is the answer, consider therapy as well. But first the parent needs to talk with their child in an effort to identify and resolve what may be the root cause of the child’s anger and if they do not see results soon, then take the child to a specialist, please don’t let the angry child loose on an unsuspecting public.

Most of all, parents need to impress upon their children that violence does not solve anything. They need to learn ways of channeling their anger into more productive outlets. Keeping the lines of communication open is the best means of keeping your finger on the pulse and recognizing when a violent outburst is a cry for help or simply a cry of frustration.

Mandatory Driving Instruction

How many people do you know would know what to do if an ambulance or police car comes up behind them while driving? I have seen many people do nothing. They don’t pull over. They don’t give the right of way to the emergency vehicle.

How many people know that when the sunlight fades, at dusk, or when you drive through a tunnel you are supposed to turn on your lights? Turning on the lights is not so you can see it is so others can see you, which basically helps you too so oncoming traffic knows you are there.

How many people know you are not supposed to block a pedestrian crosswalk? Very few because I see it done a lot. Someone will pull up to a red light, viewing it as an inconvenience that they have to stop, and block the crosswalk forcing pedestrians to walk outside of the protection of the crosswalk and into the drive lanes of oncoming traffic. The person in the car doesn’t give a damn.

How many people know you are supposed to obey speed limit signs? Sounds like a foolish question, right? A question with an obvious answer? So let me rephrase it. How many people actually obey speed limit signs? Very few. Why is this? Do these people think they know better than the experts who are paid to determine the safe speed for a given neighborhood or traffic zone? Do they not realize that these are the same experts that are paid for by our tax dollars? So, to sum this up, we pay the experts to determine the safest speed, we pay them to post that speed, and then we ignore them. Where are we going that we have to get there as fast as possible? Do these people think that if the ‘coast is clear’ they can travel at any speed they want? Those speed limit signs aren’t posted just so a policeman has a guideline by which to give you a ticket for speeding.

How many people know the safe traveling distance behind the vehicle in front of you? Very few. Does anyone out there understand what a ‘cushion of safety’ is? If the person in front of you has to stop quickly and you cannot stop in time to prevent running into that person then you did not have a ‘cushion of safety’ between the two of you and you are the only one who can create that safety zone. Does anyone realize that by tailgating someone you are actually committing an act of terror? Yes, terror! Again if that person in front has to stop quickly you are endangering the safety of the occupants of that vehicle in front of you because you will not be able to stop in time. Nobody knows when someone else may have to stop quickly, why do you drive so fast that you take away the safety zone from people around you? Maybe a tire blows out, maybe something happens to the car in front of the car in front of you that you cannot see, maybe the brake lights don’t work on the vehicle in front of you and you don’t know until it is too late.

How many people know that turn signals are placed on vehicles to give other people warning about your intensions? Using a turn signal when you are already making the turn is really pretty useless. Not using your turn signal until after you apply your brakes is really inconsiderate to those people behind you. How about turning on your turn signal before you put on your brakes so people know why you are applying your brakes and so that they can go around you on the other side? When you put on your brakes the person behind you has to slow down because something might be happening in front of you that means it is best for them to slow down too. When you put on your turn signal first, only then is it a true warning signal, then the person behind you can begin shifting to the other side of you in order to pass you. Why make everyone slow down just because you want to turn?

While I’m talking about turning, how about getting into the turn lane before you begin slowing down? That is what it is there for, to maintain an steady flow of traffic. So many people begin slowing down in the travel lane forcing everyone else to slow down too. Get out of the travel lane without slowing anyone else down and then begin slowing down. This way there is less danger of you being rear-ended. So you see it is really better off for everyone concerned to slow down properly.
And when turning in a double turn lane situation, why do people get in the left most lane to turn left knowing damn good and well that as soon as they make the turn they are going to turn right? Why not just stay in the right lane to begin with. This is just rude to people you now have to cut in front of (because nobody goes the extra block to turn around if they miss their turn, oh no, that would be too much trouble) and it is also rude to the people behind you that now are forced to slow down while you wait for an opening so you can make your turn.

I think we should have mandatory drivers safety and education courses and we should have to pass our drivers test every 4-6 years. Maybe the frequency could be based on how many traffic tickets a person gets. Some people might think that lower insurance rates might result from this, but realistically, insurance companies will only raise their rates so they don’t miss out on any income.

The reason I support mandatory safety education is because everyone has horror stories to tell of rude drivers or of near collisions. If everyone was made aware of their own bad driving habits I believe our roadways would be safer.

I am one of those lucky few who does not have to drive very often. When I do drive I try to maintain the speed limit and I am almost constantly terrorized by other drivers who come up on my tail, too quickly, and stay there as if I am not moving fast enough for them. I see improper use of turn signals, making them meaningless. I have had people pull in front of me to turn left from the opposite direction after a traffic light turns green and they just can’t wait for me to cross the intersection.
I have had people turn in front of me when they are on their cell phone.

Bad habits and just plain rude behavior need to be eliminated and education is the best method to do so.