Parents! Wake Up!

Eight teens face life imprisonment for the kidnapping and brutal beating of a fellow teen. If you have convinced yourself that your teen is not capable of such heinous acts then pat yourself on the back for being one of the very few perfect parents and just turn away. But if you believe that the parents of every one of the suspects in this case, whose ages range from 14 to 18, felt the same way, then read on.

Teen fight clubs are springing up all across the country. In such unlikely places as ‘respectable’ middle class neighborhoods.

In this latest shocker from the burbs, a 16-year-old girl was hospitalized with blurred vision, partial hearing loss, and a swollen face. The perpetrators of this barbaric act, which were kind enough to put the whole scene on tape for the police to use as evidence against them, complained later at the police station that they were not going to make it to cheerleader practice that night. Can’t you just feel how torn up they were about what they had done to their 16-year-old classmate who was at that very moment being treated in the hospital?

Why did these little monsters mercilessly beat and verbally abuse their classmate? Because she posted some derogatory remarks about them on the internet. They cooked up a plan to not only ‘get even’ with her, but they were going to gain some kind of notoriety that only their tiny minds could fathom by posting the tape on YouTube. This is another sickening trend that parents need to be on the lookout for. Staging fights to post on YouTube.

Let’s see if I have this straight. They were upset that their reputation was smeared by whatever she posted so they decided to show the world what they are really about. They ambushed and ganged up on one girl and beat her for 30 minutes severely enough to hospitalize her. I don’t know what kind of reputation they were trying to protect before this, but, now they have a real reputation, and a criminal record, for kidnapping and assault. I am willing to bet that whatever damage this girl did to their reputation seems pretty petty now.

This incident is not isolated. Video taping staged fights is the latest trend in depraved behavior among teenagers for the purpose of posting them on web sites such as YouTube. Some fights end in coma or death but all are a violent form of ‘entertainment’ that pits girl on girl, boy on boy, girl on boy, gay on gay, etc. A search for "girl fight" on YouTube gets thousands of results, and a suggestion to also try "girl fight at school, boy girl fight" and other search terms. There's at least one Web site devoted exclusively to videos of girls fighting.

Police are attempting to shut down the practice. Parents are the first line of defense in preventing this type of behavior and need to step up and take responsibility.

This is part of a devastating rise in teen violence that manifests itself in our nations schools. Chicago Public Schools have become so alarmed at the rise in violence in their city involving school age kids that they are making a special effort to protect their students to and from school.

Is this teen-on-teen violence a reaction to the violence that is so much a part of life in America? Have we really become so immune to seeing violence on TV, at the movies, and in the media that we don’t even see how it is affecting our children? Are they simply displaying what they have been taught?

Such nationally over-reported violence at Columbine High School, Northern Illinois University, Virginia Tech, kids bringing guns to school, Amish school children massacred, teens beating up homeless, have to be taking a toll on all of us.

In an attempt to curb this trend, our children need to be taught that violence is not the answer and it certainly is not to be considered a form of entertainment.

What do parents typically do when they see their kids exhibiting violent behavior? Do they physically punish the child which only reinforces in the child that violence is an acceptable response? Or do they talk to the child in an attempt to focus the child’s anger into something more constructive?

How do they handle a child that seems to always be angry or uncontrollable? Do they search for a doctor who will give them a magic pill to ‘fix’ the problem which only reinforces in the child that pills are made to make you feel better?

A tendency towards violence is occurring in children as young as 4-6 years of age, sometimes younger. Violent youth often share a pattern of feelings that support their aggressive behavior. Some factors of youth violence listed here are taken from the website Dr. Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.:

A loss of empathy

Violent children often don't even recognize (much less feel) the suffering of others. Empathy develops early in infancy. Most nine-month-old infants register concern if they see their parents crying, for example. Children who have been emotionally traumatized learn to protect themselves from further emotional damage by shutting off their own feelings along with any empathic feelings they might have for others.

Distorted thinking

Violent children come to believe that overpowering another person is a mark of strength and worth, and that violence is a legitimate way to resolve conflict. Popular media support this idea, with wrestlers who pound their opponents without mercy and so-called action heroes who slaughter foes by the truckload. For good or bad, the government unwittingly encourages the idea that "might makes right" when it engages in shows of strength celebrating the Army and police. Violent children needn't look far for evidence that force is what really counts.

Self-esteem

For some children, aggression toward other children may be a powerful source of self-esteem, particularly if they lack other confirmation of their human worth. In many cases, the problem is not lack of self-esteem so much as lack of self-esteem related to positive, peaceful accomplishments.

A ‘me against the world’ attitude

Children who become violent have often learned to see the world as a cold and hostile place. They develop a habit of thought that attributes hostile intentions to others. This attitude leaves them little choice but to fight virtually all the time. If, for example, another child bumps up against them in the hallway at school, they immediately take offense, certain that they were attacked. They cannot imagine that perhaps the bumping was just clumsiness on the other child's part or an attempt to tease that really wasn't hostile.

Always the victim

Even while they are the aggressors, violent individuals almost always think of themselves as victims--of unfair teachers, of other bullies, of prejudice--and believe that their violent acts are therefore totally justified.

Never safe

The aggressive child sees the world as an unsafe place in which there are only victims and victimizers, so he (unconsciously) chooses to be one of the latter. The power and delight he takes in hurting others, in combination with his already numbed emotions, can make for a lethal mixture.

We have a crisis on our hands that requires some serious attitude adjustment concerning how to handle angry children. Anger management needs to play a more important role in raising children. Since we can’t seem to keep children away from televisions sets, either because it is a ready made sitter or because it has become the center of home life, we need to occasionally interview them to see how this exposure to violence is affecting them.

We know the early indicators of violence are feelings of anger, sadness and isolation. Most people experience one or some of these at some time throughout their lives but when do we take them as real sign posts that this particular child could commit some form of violence? The easy answer is to look for a history. And then try to talk it out with the child.

We have a long history of showing our children that there is a ‘magic pill’ that will solve all of our problems. And the pharmaceutical companies are making a killing off of us. Literally. For those of you who believe that medication is the answer, consider therapy as well. But first the parent needs to talk with their child in an effort to identify and resolve what may be the root cause of the child’s anger and if they do not see results soon, then take the child to a specialist, please don’t let the angry child loose on an unsuspecting public.

Most of all, parents need to impress upon their children that violence does not solve anything. They need to learn ways of channeling their anger into more productive outlets. Keeping the lines of communication open is the best means of keeping your finger on the pulse and recognizing when a violent outburst is a cry for help or simply a cry of frustration.